|
To download a pdf of
this article click here
|
Dealing With Resistance:
The 4 + 2 Method
By Ian Cook
We’ve all lived this before. Sally, the
manager, asks her employee Gary to
prepare a market analysis report for next
week. Gary moans and says he doesn’t
think he can do it by then... too much
work and, besides, why not give it to
Sherry who has a marketing background.
The manager detects the “I don’t wanna”
whine and feels the heavy inertia of
Gary’s heels digging in.
At that moment what Sally really wants
to do is to respond in the old style of
leadership, with both barrels blazing: “I
don’t want any excuses, Gary, just see
that YOU have that on my desk by
Tuesday!” or the much more subtle
“There you go again, Gary. Don’t you
think it’s about time you showed some
initiative around here?”
In fact, this is a common, yet absolutely
critical, point of choice for any manager.
Does Sally or does she not choose to
assume responsibility for making Gary
change his behavior and attitude? She
does when she decides to challenge the
resistance by overpowering it or
manipulating Gary with guilt or threats.
Tempting as it might be, this approach
does not really accomplish what Sally, the
leader, wants. It might generate Gary’s
short-term compliance but what she
sacrifices is his longer-term commitment,
creativity and productivity. By trying to
make the resister do her bidding she will
shift herself into the parent position and
maneuver him into the role of the child.
|
|
In Gestalt psychology this situation is
called the “Top Dog/Under Dog”
dynamic. The Top Dog is the boss, the
master, the authority figure, the one who
seeks a certain behavior from the other
person. The Under Dog is the–
ostensibly–powerless one, the slave, the
victim and the one from whom the
behavior is being demanded. But who
has the real power in the long run? The
Under Dog does. It is he/she who
ultimately determines whether or not
cooperation will be forthcoming. |
So, if browbeating a resister just
heightens the resistant force, what’s a
leader to do? The answer lies in
understanding what the Under Dog truly
wants. The resisting Under Dog wants to
be acknowledged, to be heard, to have his
or her point-of-view honored–not
necessarily agreed with.
|
|
This last point is critical for leaders to
grasp. When someone resists your will
no one expects you to just cave in and
abdicate your responsibility for
performance results. At the same time, if
you can make the resister feel heard and
truly understood by you, he/she will be
more inclined to consider your position
and buy into it. Remember, one of
Stephen Covey’s famous “7 Habits” is
“Seek first to understand and then be
understood.”
Here is a “cutting edge” approach that draws from both Gestalt psychology and
the martial art of Aikido. I call this the
4 + 2 Method. There are six steps: the
first four focus you on the other person.
With the last two you assert your own
needs.
- Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are encountering resistance.
- Center yourself. (Use deep breathing or even a brief meditation, if you have time.)
- In your own mind, consciously grant them permission to take the position they are adopting.
- Explore, investigate, become curious about their resistance. (Use questions to find out about the source of their opposition.)
- Declare your own perceptions, expectations, requirements and rationale.
- Resolve/decide/act as you see fit. (Here you exercise your ultimate responsibility for performance results.)
Try it out on the next time you encounter a low-risk situation of resistance. Notice the response of the resister and how your own stress is reduced. With practice you will be surprised at how often you turn
resistance into genuine support.
|
©2009 Ian Cook
Ian Cook, presenter and consultant, is an expert in assisting executives and managers build strong teams and get more from their employees through modern leadership approaches.
To book Ian for a training seminar, team facilitation or keynote presentation, call toll-free at: 1-866-855-8631 or e-mail: Contact Us
For more articles and book reviews of interest to managers please go to: www.enduringedge.com/resources
Leadership: The Enduring Edge hereby grants you permission to reprint this aarticle, provided that you:
- publish the author's byline and contact information exactly as they appear at the end of the article and
- You inform us of your intended use of the piece. Contact us toll-free at 1-866-855-8631 or E-mail: Contact Us
We invite you to pass along this article to others who you think will benefit from the ideas and information it contains. |
|
